Archive for February, 2006
February 28, 2006 at 2:30 am · Filed under Googlewhore
Benjamin was showing off. “Lydia, did you know that according to a website I found in my wanderings, there are many web advertisers that people pay more than $10 per click to get onto websites containing certain key words and phrases that begin with the letter ‘A’? When a websurfer clicks on a Google ad that contains one of these phrases, the webmaster of the site gets a substantial chunk of the monies.”
“Like, over 50%?” Lydia was dubious. It was her first time in an Alicante car hire, and certainly her first time in an Alicante airport car hire, so she probably wasn’t listening that closely anyway.
“I believe so. Definitely 40%, and I think as much as 70%, depending…” Benjamin kept talking, talking to try and forget his asbestos cancer, the same asbestos mesothelioma that got his mom. Geez. All that asbestos mesothelioma in his family — got his uncle and six of his anti-spam software-loving cousins, too, come to think of it — seemed like worlds away from here, now that Lydia and he were finally alone in their Alicante car hire.
“What’s on your mind, babe?” Lydia knew he was drifting. “I’m guessing you’re either thinking about your asbestos mesothelioma or anti-spam software, which I know you and your stupid cousins care about more than me. Not that your cousins should care about me at all, but don’t you think I deserve your attention?”
Suddenly her AT&T phone started to ring. “Hello?”
“Hello madam, have you to do any interest in auto cheap insurance?”
“What kind of wack English is that?”
“I apologize humbly. I am from Alicante, not so well is my English. However, you probable need auto cheap insurance, yes?”
“Buddy, I don’t care if you’re from the Alicante airport car hire. You have no right to call my AT&T phone like this. Ben, can’t your cousins make some anti-spam software for phones?”
“I dunno, baby snookums.” Ben snapped back to the present, the present of Lydia gabbing on her AT&T phone and careering wildly down mountain roads in her Alicante car hire car that she had hired for just such a purpose at the Alicante airport.
“Watch out! You almost hit that tree! Geez! I’m not sure that asbestos cancer is what’s gonna get me after all, if you keep driving like that. Didn’t you rent this car on your airlines credit card? It’s not like credit card auto insurance is all that great, you know.”
“I know, but I keep falling for the same old affiliate marketing scams,” said Lydia, slowing down and finally getting her Alicante car hire under control. “Everytime, I feel like something’s gonna make us rich, whether it’s some kind of adult friend finder, or buying up some available domain names, or maybe if we just accept credit cards for auto cheap insurance. Something.”
Benjamin was not as nonplussed as he had been. He was definitely plussing. “Me, I’m just slapping up a website, buying an available domain name, putting in some keywords, maybe doing some affiliate marketing, and bam. Money will pour in, I’m sure of it.” He grew pensive. “Hopefully, it’ll happen before the ol’ asbestos mesothelioma cancer kicks in.”
February 27, 2006 at 9:51 pm · Filed under Fun
This would be an awesome hotel for our honeymoon. Pricey, but awesome. Do not be foolish enough to confuse Giraffe Manor with Giraffeman, who is muscly, but awesome.
Tell everybody waitin’ for Giraffeman that they should try to hold on the best they can. He hasn’t dropped them, forgot them, or anything. They’re just too heavy for Giraffeman to lift.
February 18, 2006 at 10:21 pm · Filed under Fun
February 16, 2006 at 11:58 pm · Filed under Vunglozz
I think it’s entirely appropriate that I use monoglot to discuss words that do not otherwise appear in the universe. Vunglozz is just one of those words. I want this to eventually become your one-stop-shopping experience for all your vunglozz needs. I will provide links to all vunglozz materials in the history of everything.
Do you have interesting vunglozz facts? Please provide them! Thanks!
Maybe you have questions about vunglozz? I can help!
February 9, 2006 at 7:25 pm · Filed under Movies
This is no great shakes, but it was better than I thought it would be. I found the salty dialog amusing for the most part. In general I like the kvetching Kevin Spacey module, featured here, better than the subdued Kevin Spacey, featured in Pay It Forward or The Shipping News. I think Judy Davis, who must have the record for the Australian in the most Woody Allen movies (four by my count), is awesome, and I’m probably likely to think more favorably of movies she is in. I sort of even liked Naked Lunch.
This is primarily a vehicle for Denis Leary to be Denis Leary, and a little definitely goes a long way with him. 93 minutes of him is about 84 minutes too much. What’s with the Mrs. Robinson pose on the DVD box?
And what’s with the weird upbeat ending? These people hate each other, and should continue to into infinity. Supposedly this originally ended much more appropriately, with Leary getting caught and going to prison, but test audiences hated it. Morality is a harsh mistress.
It seems like I’ve seen a lot of movies lately about crime bringing people together. Maybe all movies involving crime do that to some extent. Any outliers?
Links:
February 3, 2006 at 8:36 pm · Filed under Movies
What does it take for me to like Theodore Dreiser, born exactly 100 years before me and similarly full of frustratingly unfulfilled potential? Apparently, it takes Woody Allen to film An American Tragedy filtered through the triplequadruple-action lenscharcoal of Chekhov, George Stevens, Patricia Highsmith and Dostoevsky. And yeah, there’s probably some Bergman in there too, this being one of Allen’s more seriouser endeavors.
There’s also a lot of Crimes and Misdemeanors involved, which I like and recently resaw. Crimes is regarded as Allen’s masterwork by people who aren’t me (how can you top Annie Hall?). But I feel like this movie has just as much to say about transgression as C&M, with very little of the to-my-ears repetitive and fluffy rumination. It also takes a different tack to the problem of sin in an amoral world. The power that be is not God or legally-blind rabbi Sam Waterston’s nebulous higher power — is God nebulous because he’s blurry? — but dumb luck.
I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers’ one-note, callow fancy-lad characters in movies like Velvet Goldmine, The Governess, and Titus (and did you know he just played Elvis on TV?!?), but he’s got an edge and a depth to him — a depthy edge — here that really works. I cannot speak to his work in Bend It Like Beckham but I believe Jessica disliked MP primarily because of the BILB connection.
Jessica hates BILB. Someone is going to have to unbend it, and I’m afraid it might be me.
Scarlett Johansson’s role is a little different for her as a down-on-her-luck actress who temporarily makes good. It was a little hard to buy her character change toward the end of the film, but I appreciated the depthy edge she was trying for.
Did you ever think you’d live to see Woody Allen embracing CGI? By my count, this makes the third movie of his (following Everyone Says I Love You and Deconstructing Harry) that features critical scenes augmented with computer graphics. It kind of makes you wonder what Zelig would be like if he made it today.
Links:
February 2, 2006 at 11:29 pm · Filed under Fun
It was inevitable:
YouTube - Brokeback to the Future
February 1, 2006 at 1:38 am · Filed under Fun
This placemat commemorates our journey to the Mastoris Diner in historic Bordentown, New Jersey to celebrate Jon’s swinging bachelor party.
Click to embiggen us all.
